dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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