I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
