It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I need to calm my uterus...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
