The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
