Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
