So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
