I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
