What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
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i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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