Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
