but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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