Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
