i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize