mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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