help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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