so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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