Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
