I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
