you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We need a shit load of segways right now
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
