we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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