but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
