So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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