I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
