If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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