I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
