All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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