dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
