you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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