New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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