the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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