Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
