How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
