Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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