No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I love you.
Bad choice
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
