I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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