I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
