i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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