Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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