i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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