She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
