But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
