just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
