how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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