I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
