I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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