3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
