you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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