hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
