Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
