i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
