i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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