Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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