haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
