hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Randomize
