I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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