i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
