my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
