Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
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Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
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Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Text me some of your sweat
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