My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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