he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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