She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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