She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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