if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
