I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
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For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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