I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
