awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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