3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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