theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
