So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
