is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You're like the curious george of whores
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
