There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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