they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
