it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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