It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
