I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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