Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
