WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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