I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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