We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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