the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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