In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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